My Head Teacher is a Vampire Rat Page 5

  And I didn’t know WHAT was going on, because the moth died AGES ago, when we fed it cheese by mistake, so I didn’t know what Jodi was talking about.

  And then Jodi got her notepad out of her bag and started drawing. And she was acting all happy and whistling while she was doing it, and she looked completely CRAZY.

  And then she said, “Izzy, come and see. Doesn’t this drawing look exactly like you?”

  So I looked at Zach. And I knew that we were both thinking the same thing, and that it was that Jodi was having her mind controlled. But when I looked up at Jodi again, she widened her eyes a bit, just for a second, and that made me think that it was a SECRET SIGNAL, and that maybe Jodi WASN’T having her mind controlled.

  So I went over to her and looked at the drawing. But she hadn’t drawn anything. She had WRITTEN something in big letters. And it said:

  I gasped a bit when I read it. And that made Jodi start laughing really loud, but it wasn’t her normal laugh.

  Then she said, “My drawing of you isn’t THAT bad, Izzy!”

  And I knew right there and then that Jodi definitely WASN’T having her mind controlled, and that she was just ACTING because Rat Mr Graves was in here SPYING on us!

  And so even though my hand was shaking, I grabbed the notebook and pen. And then I said, “Erm … you should draw my hair more like this.” But I didn’t draw any hair. I wrote:

  And then Jodi said, “OK,” and she pretended that she was fixing my hair, but instead she wrote:

  And I looked up at the shelf and saw him. And I must have gasped again, because all of a sudden Jodi started singing really loudly and clapping her hands. So I just joined in, because I knew Jodi was trying to cover up the fact that I’d gasped again, so that we could pretend to Mr Graves that we didn’t know he was on the shelf watching us.

  And then Zach said, “What’s going on?!”

  And just then the bell rang, and Jodi jumped up and said, “Wow! Yes! Time for class. Let’s go!” And she started half-skipping, half-running out of the door. And we all followed her.

  As soon as we were in the classroom, and Miss Jones was doing the register, we told Zach and Maisie what had REALLY been going on in The Den.

  Zach looked a bit sick.

  And Maisie squealed, “WHAT? Why didn’t you tell us?!” And I knew that the reason Jodi had told only me, and not Maisie or Zach, was because I was the only one brave enough to handle it.

  So I took Maisie’s hand and told her that everything was OK and that if Mr Graves had moved even one rat muscle I would have got her out of there

  And she nodded like she believed me, but she kept shaking anyway.

  And then Jodi said that when Maisie had been talking, she had seen something move on the shelf beside the old moth jar. And that it had been a rat, and that she had looked right into its eyes, and that she just KNEW it was Mr Graves.

  Then Jodi said, “He must have been there when we made the garlic-muffin plan. That’s how he knew what we were up to! We told him!”

  And then Zach said that she was right, and that he probably took some sort of garlic protection potion so that he could eat garlic without it harming him.

  And that’s when we all became very PARANOID. And we kept checking under the table, and in the pen pot, and in our bags in case Mr Graves or one of his vampire army were spying on us.

  And then Zach whispered, “I know what we have to do.”

  As soon as the bell went for lunch, we all looked at Zach. And he said, “Follow me.” So we did.

  Zach got in line with the rest of the class to go to the dinner hall, like we always do. But then when we got to the bottom of the stairs, and Miss Jones turned right to go into the dinner hall, Zach turned left and started running along the bottom corridor and out through the Big Doors. So we ran after him, and we kept running until we got to the grassy bit, because Zach stopped.

  Then Zach said that we needed to check that Mr Graves wasn’t in rat-form, hiding in the long grass, before he told us about his plan. So I said that we should go over to the flat concrete bit, because there was no way a rat could hide on the flat concrete bit without us noticing. So that’s what we did.

  And that’s when Zach said that it was time to do something more serious. Because we’d tried the garlic muffin, and that hadn’t worked. And that even though Mr Graves KNEW that WE KNEW about him being a vampire, he was still here, which meant that he was still planning to ATTACK with his vampire-rat army. And that we had to do something before they took over the school and drank everyone’s blood.

  And then Maisie said, “Do you think they’re going to turn us into vampires too?”

  And Jodi said that they might, to make their army stronger.

  But then Zach said, “It doesn’t matter what their plan is, because in about five minutes Mr Graves will be DUST!”

  So we all went really quiet and listened, because we really wanted Mr Graves to be dust, and we knew we only had five minutes to do Zach’s plan.

  Then Zach said, “We’re going to force Mr Graves to come outside into the sunlight, and then he’ll turn to DUST!”

  And I thought that that was a

  because we hadn’t actually seen Mr Graves outside in the playground, not even ONCE, even though Mr Murphy ALWAYS used to be outside keeping an eye on us, in case we were doing VANDALISM or digging a pool for seals to live in.

  And then Zach said that it was going to take something BIG to force Mr Graves to come outside. And that the plan was to pretend that there was a SERIOUS INCIDENT happening in the playground, and that it was that two big dogs with rabies had got into the school, and that they were fighting TO THE DEATH beside the recycling bins, and that Maisie was trapped inside one of the recycling bins, because she’d hidden in there when the dogs had run into the playground.

  And then he said, “We have to make sure that the office ladies know too, so that if Mr Graves refuses to come outside and save Maisie’s life, everyone will know. And Mr Graves will get sacked, because Head Teachers aren’t allowed to let pupils stay trapped inside a recycling bin that’s next to two dogs with rabies.”

  And then Jodi said that it was a perfect plan. And we all agreed. And I was a bit jealous that I hadn’t been the one who thought of it because it really WAS perfect. Because even if we couldn’t get Mr Graves to come outside and turn to dust, we’d still be able to get rid of him because he’d be sacked from being the new Head Teacher if he didn’t come out.

  So me and Jodi and Zach told Maisie to stay hidden in the recycling bin, and to make sure she kept the lid open a bit, so she could breathe, and then we ran back towards the school.

  When we got to the Big Doors, Jodi said that we had to make it look like there really WERE big dogs with rabies in the school trying to attack Maisie. And that we should probably all be crying, and that our hair should be all over the place. So we all opened our eyes really wide and used our hands to fan air into them until our eyes started watering, and there were tears running down our faces. And then we made our hair all messy.

  Then Jodi said, “As soon as I open this door, start screaming as loud as you can, OK?” And we said OK. And then Jodi counted to three and opened the door.

  As soon as the door was open we all started screaming and running down the corridor until we got to the Head Teacher’s office.

  When we got there, there were already loads of teachers who had come running out of their classrooms, and all the office ladies ran up to the glass window. But the Head Teacher wasn’t there. And his door was still shut.

  And that’s when I looked at Jodi. And that’s when I decided to be brave. So I ran right up to the Head Teacher’s door, opened it and went in.

  Even though it was really dark inside, I could still kind of see Mr Graves sitting at his desk. So I started screaming all about Maisie and the rabies dogs, and then I ran right out again. And then me and Jodi and Zach shouted, “Follow us! FOLLOW US!” and we ran right along the corridor and outside again, and ev
en though all the teachers were shouting, “STOP! COME BACK!” we didn’t, because we needed them to follow us.

  But then when we got to the Big Doors, and we were almost outside, we heard Zach screaming for real. I was scared to turn around in case he was screaming because Mr Graves has bitten him in the neck, but when I did turn around I saw that he had fallen and hurt his leg.

  So I went to go back for him. But then Zach shouted, “NO! You have to keep going! Mr Graves NEEDS to follow you!”

  And Jodi said, “Izzy! He’s right, let’s go! Come on!”

  But I said, “No! What if there’s blood on his knee? Mr Graves might get him!”

  So we ran back to get Zach as quickly as we could, and dragged him out into the playground so he would be safe, in the sunlight.

  Then as soon as we got to the recycling bins, we stopped and looked back to see if our plan had worked. We watched as Miss Jones, and then Miss Ross, and then Mr Killington, and then all of the office ladies came running outside. But Mr Graves wasn’t there.

  Then Zach said, “He’s not coming.”

  And JUST as he said that the Big Doors burst open and Mr Graves came running out with a mop in his hand. And Zach panicked and jumped in the bin with Maisie because Mr Graves was running right towards us!

  But then I noticed that Mr Graves was running a bit funny, kind of like side to side, instead of forward. And then when he eventually got a bit closer, I shouted, “LOOK!” and Maisie and Zach peeked out from the bin.

  And then Jodi screamed, “His face! It’s BURNING!!”

  And it was! It was all red and covered in blotches and blisters! And so were his hands!

  And that’s when Jodi shouted,

  And Maisie and Zach both jumped right out of the bin and we all ran for our lives.

  When we ran away from Mr Graves, we didn’t really know where to go, so we ran right around to the other side of the school and hid in the bush in the front car park. And then we just sat there for ten whole minutes trying to catch our breath, and calm down. And that’s when we heard the ambulance coming.

  And Jodi said, “It’s for Mr Graves!”

  And Zach said, “There won’t be anything left by the time they get here! He’ll be dust!”

  Then when the ambulance arrived, we watched as Miss Jones and one of the office ladies came rushing out of the front door holding Mr Graves by an arm each. And then they helped him into the ambulance.

  And we all gasped when we saw them.

  And then Jodi said, “Look how red his face is! It’s almost completely melted!”

  And Zach said that we must have got it wrong, and that maybe it takes ages for vampires to actually burn completely and turn to dust in the sunlight.

  And that’s when I realised what had happened.

  So I said, “It’s not sunny enough.” And everyone agreed that I was right, because it was a bit cold and it looked like it was about to start raining.

  When the ambulance went away, we came out of the bush, because we didn’t really have any other choice. And that’s when Miss Jones came running over, and she hugged Maisie for ages, and then she said, “Thank goodness! Are you OK?!”

  Then the other teachers came rushing over too and they were all asking about the dogs. And that’s when Zach TOTALLY got us into MEGA trouble because he started crying and told Miss Jones that he’d made it all up because the new Head Teacher was a vampire rat.

  So we had no choice but to go back to the classroom and tell Miss Jones EVERYTHING. And when we got to the bit about Mr Murphy being trapped on the top corridor with hundreds of rat poos all over his face, she just burst out laughing and said, “I wish!” and then she looked a bit embarrassed that she’d said it.

  And that’s when Miss Jones told us that Mr Murphy HAD left, and that he’d taken something called a CAREER BREAK, and that he’d gone to India to FIND HIMSELF. And then she said that he’d be back in six months.

  And then she said that she didn’t mean what she’d said about wishing Mr Murphy was trapped with hundreds of rat poos, and that it hadn’t been a very nice thing to say. But I don’t think she meant it.

  I didn’t really believe that Mr Murphy had gone to FIND HIMSELF in India, because it didn’t even make sense, and it was probably just what Mr Graves wrote in a letter to Miss Jones when he kidnapped Mr Murphy, so that Miss Jones wouldn’t phone the police and report Mr Murphy as a missing person.

  And then Zach said, “Are you and Mr Murphy still getting married when he gets back from India?”

  And Miss Jones took a deep breath. And then she said, “We’ll see.”

  And that’s when I knew that the reason Miss Jones was angry was because she thought that Mr Murphy had gone on holiday without her. Like the time Mum and Dad went on holiday to Spain, and I had to stay with Gran, and I was mad at them for ages because they didn’t take me with them.

  So anyway, we starting telling her about everything else that had happened, and when we got to the bit about making the garlic muffins, Miss Jones covered her mouth with her hands and said, “Oh NO! It was YOU!”

  Then she started shaking her head, and then she grabbed her phone.

  And that’s when Maisie screamed,

  And Miss Jones looked shocked. She covered the phone with her hand and told Maisie that it was OK, and that she definitely wasn’t phoning the police, and that she was phoning the hospital to tell them about the GARLIC so they could help Mr Graves.

  And then someone must have answered, because Miss Jones said, “Hello, is this Ward Eight? I’m calling regarding Stewart Graves.”

  And we all looked at each other because Miss Jones had said that Mr Graves’s first name was Stewart.

  And then Miss Jones said, “Can you please let the doctor know that Stewart has DEFINITELY been exposed to garlic.” And then Miss Jones listened for a bit. And then she covered the phone with her hand again and looked right at me and said, “Izzy, how much garlic did you give Mr Graves?”

  So I pointed to Jodi. And Jodi said, “Six cloves.” And Miss Jones rolled her eyes and shook her head, and then she told whoever she was speaking to that Mr Graves had INGESTED six cloves of garlic. And then she hung up, and just looked at us for ages. And she looked very cross.

  Then she eventually said, “I suppose you weren’t to know this, but Mr Graves has a very serious GARLIC ALLERGY.”

  And then Jodi said, “We know that. ALL vampires have a serious garlic allergy.”

  And then Miss Jones sighed and put her head in her hands for a minute.

  Then she said, “Listen VERY closely. Mr Graves is NOT a vampire. But he DOES have a lot of allergies. And garlic is one of them. That’s why garlic has been banned from school dinners. It makes Mr Graves seriously ill if he comes into contact with garlic. That’s why his skin looked so red and painful.”

  And we were all a bit shocked, because we couldn’t believe what we were hearing.

  Then Miss Jones gave us a big lecture about hiding things in cakes and then giving them to people, and that we should never EVER do anything like that EVER AGAIN! And then she made us put the leftover garlic muffins in the bin.

  Then Miss Jones said that when the Head Teacher was feeling better and came back to school, that she’d have to tell him what we did, and that we’d have to apologise.

  On Monday, we went to class early, like Miss Jones had asked us to do. That’s when she told us that Mr Graves was back, and that he was waiting to see all four of us in his office, and that we should go down and apologise to him right away, even before registration. And that we should mean it.

  But then just as we were about to go down, Miss Jones called us back. And she started walking around us and sniffing us, like a dog. And then she said, “Oh my goodness! Do I smell GARLIC?!”

  And I looked around to see if Jodi had brought another garlic muffin with her, but she looked just as surprised as I was that Miss Jones thought we had garlic. And that’s when I saw Maisie’s face. And Maisie was looking a bit gu
ilty, and I knew that it was probably because she was hiding garlic in her pocket or her bag or something because she was terrified of vampires.

  So I just said, “No, Miss Jones. We’ve not got garlic. I just had lasagne and garlic bread for my tea last night, that’s all.” Because I didn’t want Maisie to get told off.

  Miss Jones looked at us for a bit.

  And then she said, “Fine. Well, I think you’d all better just leave your coats and bags here before you go down. And perhaps you should just empty your pockets too. Thank you.”

  But me and Jodi and Maisie didn’t have any pockets. So we just watched as Zach emptied his.

  And then Miss Jones said, “OK, off you go. And PLEASE make sure you apologise properly. What you did was very serious.”

  And it made me feel really bad when Miss Jones said that, because if Mr Graves really wasn’t a vampire rat and just a normal human Head Teacher who was allergic to garlic, then what we did to him wasn’t very nice, and his skin must’ve been really sore. Like the time before Mum found out I was allergic to plasters, and she put a plaster on my elbow, and it got so itchy that I scratched it all night in my sleep. And then in the morning it was so sore, and red, and blistery that I thought I was maybe going to die.

  So anyway, we all said that we would apologise to Mr Graves properly, and then we left.

  It took AGES to get Maisie down the stairs to the Head Teacher’s office. And every time we got down three or four of the stairs, Maisie would just go all wobbly again and have to sit down for a bit. And in the end, Jodi on her back, even though it is had to carry Maisie completely against the school rules to give piggy-backs ever since Finola Burke tried to give Roz Morgan a piggy-back, even though Roz Morgan was already giving Andrew Cunningham a piggy-back at the time, and then they all fell on top of Mrs Kidd in the playground.