My Head Teacher is a Vampire Rat Page 2

  As soon as we got to the new Head Teacher’s office, Zach got scared and said, “I’m not going in.”

  And I said, “What?”

  And he said, “He’s too scary. I’m not going. You go.”

  Then Zach tried to go back up the stairs, but I caught him by his sleeve and said, “I’m not going in on my OWN!”

  And then Zach said that we should just both go back up to the classroom and pretend that we’d been. And that sounded like a good idea, so I said, “OK, what will we say if Miss Jones asks us about what the new Head Teacher said to us?”

  And Zach didn’t say anything, because Zach is TERRIBLE at making up lies on the spot, and one time when he got caught copying my homework he said that he was just making a copy for me so I could put it up in a frame, and then he started crying.

  So anyway, I said that when we got back to the classroom, we should just go right up to Miss Jones and say that the new Head Teacher had asked us what our favourite colour was, and that I had said orange and that Zach had said green. And that we had asked him what his favourite colour was, and that he had said blue, and that it had been nice to get to know us.

  But then Zach said that that was too much to remember, and also that he didn’t want to say that green was his favourite colour, because it wasn’t any more, and because blue was his favourite colour now. But then I said that it didn’t really matter that green wasn’t his REAL favourite colour because it was just part of the plan, and also that he couldn’t say that blue was his favourite colour because that was what we were going to say the new Head Teacher’s favourite colour was. And that if they were the same then that might sound too

  and then Miss Jones might not believe us.

  I was starting to get really annoyed with Zach because he ALWAYS has to make easy stuff more complicated, when we both noticed that the new Head Teacher was standing RIGHT THERE and that he’d probably heard EVERYTHING we’d just said, because we hadn’t even heard his door opening and so he could have been there the whole time!

  I looked up at him, and he looked even taller and scarier than he had at the assembly. He had weird big black eyes, and he wasn’t smiling or anything.

  Then he said, “Do come in.”

  And Zach just looked at me with his mouth hanging wide open.

  And we couldn’t really do anything except go in. So we did.

  It was really dark inside the new Head Teacher’s office. Much darker than when it was Mr Murphy’s office, and it looked different too.

  There was a huge fancy desk that hadn’t been there before, and it looked really old like an antique or something, and there were all these weird ornaments, and a statue thing of just someone’s head and a bit of their shoulders, but with no body. And all the curtains were shut, and it smelled funny, and there was a big empty box folded up by the door that said “FRAGILE. HANDLE WITH CARE.” And I wondered what had been in it.

  We watched as the new Head Teacher sat down at the big desk. Then he pointed to two chairs and said, “Please.”

  I wasn’t a hundred per cent sure what he wanted us to do with the chairs, and I thought that maybe he wanted us to bring them to him, but then Zach sat down, so I sat down too.

  Then the new Head Teacher said, “I would very much like to get to know all of my pupils. Please, tell me something interesting about yourselves. Do you have any hobbies? How about flying? I love to fly. But sometimes my arms get a little tired.”

  And then he laughed a bit, but it sounded weird. And then he just stared at us.

  I had NO IDEA what to say, and all I could think about was how SCARY his eyes were, and how pale his face was, and how his lips looked like two little red worms.

  And then I saw it: the photograph on the wall behind him. And I think I must have jumped in my seat a bit, but I don’t think the new Head Teacher noticed because he was too busy listening to Zach who had started going on and on about how his favourite colour used to be green, but that now it was blue, but that he still wasn’t a hundred per cent sure. I couldn’t take my eyes off the photo, and even though I wasn’t sure what it meant, I knew that it wasn’t good.

  And then the new Head Teacher said, “And what about you, Isabella?”

  And I do not like it when people who are not my mum, or dad, or gran call me that. And I don’t even really like it when THEY call me that. But I especially didn’t like it when the new Head Teacher said it. So even though I was scared of him, I said, “My name is Izzy, actually.”

  And that made the new Head Teacher’s eyes go a bit wide. And his worm lips curled up a bit at the side. And then he said, “How interesting.” Even though it wasn’t.

  Then all of a sudden Zach said, “Are you going to a funeral today?”

  And I couldn’t BELIEVE Zach had said that! Or why he was even asking any questions at all!

  And the new Head Teacher said, “I am not. Why do you ask, Zachary?”

  And Zach said, “Oh. Um. I don’t know.”

  But I knew that Zach DID know exactly why he’d asked him that. And that it was because the new Head Teacher was dressed like he was going to a funeral and even his tie was black.

  Then the new Head Teacher said, “Ah. Is it because my name is Mr Graves?”

  And I almost fell off my seat, and Zach gasped, because this was probably the CREEPIEST name we had ever heard!

  I just stared at Zach and begged him with my eyes not to ask any more questions because I just wanted to get

  Then Zach went quiet, and started biting his nails.

  And then the new Head Teacher said, “I shall let you both get back to class now. Good day.”

  And then Zach said, “Good night,” because he was totally freaked out. And I got up right away, and pulled Zach by the arm so we could get out quicker.

  But then Zach saw it. And he froze.

  And the new Head Teacher must’ve noticed us both staring at the photo behind him on the wall, because he turned to see what it was we were looking at.

  And then he said, “Ah, yes. That is a very old photograph. It was taken when—”

  But we didn’t even wait to hear the rest, we just ran out the door before he could turn around.

  When we got outside we almost ran right into Jodi and Maisie.

  And Jodi said, “We’re next. What’s it like?”

  I looked at Zach, and Zach looked at me, and then he started biting his nails again.

  I knew that there wasn’t enough time to tell them about everything, and I looked at Maisie and saw that her eyes were starting to do that thing where she goes a bit cross-eyed before she faints, so I said, “Just come back to the classroom with us. OK?”

  And I said it in a certain way that I knew Jodi would understand. And Jodi looked at me in the way that I knew she got it. And that she knew something had gone SERIOUSLY wrong, and that there was

  they should go into the new Head Teacher’s office.

  But then the new Head Teacher appeared.

  And he said, “Jodi. Maisie-Ann-Margaret. Do come in.”

  And we all knew it was too late. So Maisie went in, and Jodi started to follow her. But before Jodi could even get all the way in we heard a thump. And we knew that it was Maisie fainting. And that she must have seen the photograph too.

  Once the ambulance had gone, me and Zach and Jodi were made to go back to class.

  When we got back Miss Jones asked what had taken us so long and where Maisie was. So I explained about how Maisie had fainted, and that the new Head Teacher had called an ambulance, and about how one of the office ladies had phoned Maisie’s mum, and about how Maisie’s mum had come running into the school screaming,

  and about how Maisie’s mum had to lie down on a stretcher and wear an oxygen mask because she started breathing weird, and about how they all went away to the hospital in the ambulance even though Maisie was awake again, and back to normal.

  And Miss Jones just said, “OK.” Because Miss Jones knows that Maisie faints all the time, and that
there isn’t really anything you can do about it, and that it was probably just because the new Head Teacher wasn’t used to it that he must have got a fright and phoned the ambulance instead of just waiting for her to wake up, like we do.

  So we went and sat down and Jodi said, “Say nothing.” And then she pointed to the curtain. And we nodded. And then she whispered, “The Den.” And we nodded again.

  As soon as it was break time we ran to The Den.

  The Den is our secret place under the stairs that go up to the toilets. It used to be the old caretaker’s store cupboard, but then he left. And we used to have the only key, but then we lost it. But it’s OK because nobody knows about The Den except for us (and Mathilde, but she lives in France) so it’s perfect for having important meetings when you don’t want nosy people, like 6B, hearing all your secrets.

  But when we got to The Den, we couldn’t believe it! There was a big banner right across the stairs and past The Den, which said, “DANGER. NO ENTRY.”

  And Zach said,

  And I said, “Oh!” because I’d actually completely forgotten about all the rats because of scary Mr Graves.

  But then Jodi said, “Stay here.” And she ducked right under the barrier and went in anyway.

  After about two minutes she came back out, and her knees were dirty, like she’d been crawling about the floor, and she had a mop in her hand.

  And she said, “All clear. Come on.” So we went in. And I expected to see rat blood everywhere, because Jodi was looking a bit mad, and I thought she might have squished some of the rats with the mop. But then she said that she’d done a COMPLETE SWEEP, and that there wasn’t a single rat in The Den, and that as long as we remembered to shut the door when we left, The Den should remain a

  So we all sat down on our buckets, and Zach went to fill up the kettle in the little sink and make us all cups of tea, but then Jodi said, “No tea. Tell me what happened in there!”

  So Zach sat back down. And we told Jodi all about how the new Head Teacher’s office was weird, and dark, and about how it smelled funny. And then we told her about the old desk, and the weird statues. And I told her all about the big folded-up box by the door that had said

  And then we told Jodi about how the new Head Teacher’s name was actually Mr Graves, and her eyes went wide.

  And then I looked at Zach. And Zach looked at Jodi. And then Zach said, “Mr Graves has a photo up on the wall behind his desk.”

  And then he took a deep breath and said, “It’s a picture of him wearing a long black

  And Jodi said, “A cape? Why would he be wearing a cape? Only Batman wears a cape. Or vampires.” And then she gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.

  And I said, “EXACTLY!”

  That night Jodi said that we all had to attend a secret meeting at her house after our tea. And she even got her mum to phone Maisie’s mum to see if Maisie could come too, but Maisie’s mum said no. And she said it was because Maisie had fainted again when the new Head Teacher had phoned to see how she was.

  And we all knew that Maisie had probably fainted because she had probably been the one who answered the phone. And Mr Graves had probably said, “Hello, this is your Head Teacher, Mr Graves, speaking.” And Maisie wouldn’t have known about his name being Mr Graves, and she would have got a big shock.

  So anyway, when me and Zach got to Jodi’s house, we all went into Jodi’s room and Jodi put up the “SECRET MEETING” sign on her bedroom door so that Jodi’s mum knew that we were having a meeting, so not to disturb us, and also to bring snacks.

  Then Jodi said, “The secret meeting has officially begun.”

  And I said that it was Zach’s turn to do the notes, and I gave him a FIRM look because Zach NEVER does the notes and he always tries to get out of it by saying that his hand is hurting.

  And then Jodi said, “I’ll start.” And then she said, “I’m not sure about Mr Graves being a vampire.”

  And then Zach said, “But what about the cape?”

  And Jodi said, “It might have just been a Batman cape.”

  And I was a hundred per cent sure it hadn’t been a batman cape, so I said, “Jodi. It definitely wasn’t a Batman cape. It was a creepy, scary, vampire cape, like from Olden Times.”

  And Zach nodded loads.

  But then Jodi said, “Well, maybe it was a vampire cape then, but maybe Mr Graves was just dressed up as a vampire for Halloween.”

  And I didn’t say anything, because I thought that Jodi was maybe right, because last year Zach dressed up as a vampire on Halloween, and I have a photo of him at home with tomato soup all over his face, because we didn’t have any ketchup at my house to use for the blood, because Dad had forgot to put it on THE LIST when he finished it all, and Mum fell out with him about it.

  But then Zach told Jodi about how when Mr Graves had caught us looking at it, that he had said that it was a VERY OLD photo, even though he didn’t look any younger in the photo, and that he just looked the same. And how that was proof that Mr Graves was a vampire, because vampires are VERY OLD but they don’t age like people, and that they always stay looking young.

  But then Jodi said that she STILL didn’t think just one photo was enough proof to be sure FOR A FACT that Mr Graves was a vampire, even if he was really creepy.

  So that’s when I explained to Jodi about how DARK it had been in Mr Graves’s office. And about how PALE his skin had looked. And about how red his weird worm lips were, and that they were probably all wormy and red because of drinking loads of blood.

  Jodi said that she agreed that his office being so dark and having all the blinds shut was GOOD EVIDENCE that the new Head Teacher was maybe a vampire, because she said she knew that vampires HATED the sunlight, because it made them BURN.

  But then she said that she still wasn’t sure about the photo, and that the new Head Teacher’s lips were probably just red because he’d been drinking Ribena.

  But then Zach said, “But it wasn’t just him in the photo!”

  And I didn’t really know what Zach meant, because I didn’t remember seeing anything else in the photo. But then all of a sudden I remembered.

  And I COULDN’T BELIEVE that I’d forgotten all about it!

  And that’s when I shouted, “It wasn’t just Mr Graves in the photo! There were MORE!”

  And I stood up, because this was serious, and I couldn’t believe what I’d just remembered.

  And Jodi said, “More what?”

  And I said, “VAMPIRES, Jodi! There were LOADS OF THEM!”

  After I remembered about all the other vampires in the photo, we explained to Jodi about how there had been loads of other people standing in the distance, behind Mr Graves, and that they had all been wearing long capes too. And then Zach said that Mr Graves must be the head of some sort of vampire army.

  And then Jodi held my hand and started patting it. And she said that I must have forgotten all about the other vampires in the photo because it was too TRAUMATIC for my brain to remember. And then she told us all about how she’d read a story in one of her mum’s magazines about this man, and how he forgot all about being involved in a SHARK ATTACK because it had been a TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE and was too scary for his brain to remember. And that twenty years later the man remembered everything all of a sudden when he went into a supermarket and saw a can of tuna.

  Then Jodi said that she thought we were right about Mr Graves, but that we needed to be a hundred per cent sure if we were going to do something about it, like go to the police or phone the government. Jodi said we needed to come up with a plan to get more evidence. And she was right.

  So I said that we should start by telling each other EVERYTHING that we already knew about vampires and then write a list. So we did. And this is what we wrote:

  And then Jodi said that we needed to find out more, and that we could use her mum’s computer to do the research.

  So Zach looked up “VAMPIRES” because he’s the best on computers, and that’s when he found
an old black-and-white picture of a vampire, and I SWEAR it looked EXACTLY like Mr Graves, and I was almost ninety-eight per cent sure it was him.

  Then Zach started reading out the stuff that was written underneath the photo and that’s when we found out LOADS more stuff about vampires, like how they sleep in COFFINS, and that they can do

  and also that they are REPELLED by garlic.

  And then I got a bit worried that I might have a tiny bit of vampireness inside me, like from my great-great-uncle or something, because I am DEFINITELY repelled by garlic, and I won’t even eat my lasagne if Mum lets the garlic bread touch it.

  But then Zach said that he hated garlic too, and that it was stinking, and that loads of people hate it, and that there was a difference between hating to eat it and being REPELLED by it.

  So I took the list and I added:

  Then Zach said that he’d found something else, and that it was a clip from an old film about vampires. And I knew that it was a REALLY old film because it was in black and white.

  So we all started watching it, and the music was really creepy, and then the coffin made this really loud creaking sound, and the vampire woke up and sat up in the coffin, and then he showed his fangs and started HISSING at this woman, and then she started screaming, and the music went all dramatic, and then the vampire jumped on the woman and bit her right in the neck!